Heavy duty searches that have found me

From some of the searches that find this blog, it’s evident that people out there are wrestling with very difficult sociopathic problems.

My son is a sociopath, what do I do? This was one recent search.  The best I can do is send the searcher over to the Lovefraud blog (see link to the right) where a number of posters have been in this position.

One thing I can say is that as a sociopathic son enters puberty it is essential to protect younger siblings, particularly sisters but also brothers (sociopaths know only friction orgasms, they are essentially pansexual).  It would be nothing to most sociopaths to get a sister drunk and share her with his buddies.

Secondly, apparently some of the children dropped off in Nebraska were sociopathic.  If institutionalization or this route is taken I think I would (I’m thinking out loud, trying to feel my way through this) suggest staying in contact with the child.  Sociopaths fully experience most of the normal prepubescent emotions of childhood I believe.  Abandonment would be very real to them, not to mention also to the parents (who no doubt would be in a terrible bind).  Contact would be better for the soul of the sociopath (such as it is) and the parents.  Total abandonment would leave a sociopathic child angrier and more dangerous.  I believe the argument could be made that Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer were serial killers due to never having bonded as infants (Ted Bundy was left in the hospital for months with his mother hesitant to keep him as I recall) not due to their inherent sociopathy, which only made them more skillful at it.  Thus their murderously angry infant selves became a permanent part of their psyches, coming forth to use an adult’s capabilities and intelligence together with a sociopath’s manipulativeness and cunning to carry out their murders.

How to get a sociopath fired?  My advice would be to focus strictly on the malfeasance.  In my opinion it is very difficult to persuade someone of another’s sociopathy.  It seems that everyone thinks they are a perfect judge of such matters, even if they have never heard of a sociopath, or think they have never met one, or expect never to meet one in their lifetime.

If the problem is sociopathic workplace bullying or harassment then there are totally different problems.  Are any managers devotees of the sociopath, lovers, or blackmailed lovers?  Nobody wants to leave a job or co-workers they like but sociopathic bullying is very detrimental to the victim.  In my experience management and HR are usually of no help.  If you stay and fight, in my opinion, you need to get as vicious as possible as quickly as possible (maybe not, if you take the bull by the horns you may get gored).  Furthermore if a friend is seduced and blackmailed by a sociopathic enemy, then your friend is your enemy.  The situation can get very ugly, very fast.

To those who say that such things could never happen in their world I beg to differ.  ‘See no evil, a preyer’s prayer’ — to borrow a phrase.  Think what a shield to the corrupt the response of “Oh, that just can’t be happening” is. Or to those who say they have no enemies, ‘I’m a nice person why should I have enemies.’  I’m afraid you don’t understand sociopathic motivations.  The pick of a target for sociopathic workplace bullying may make no sense anywhere other than in the mind of a particular sociopath.

Without a professional and ethical management and HR department there are really no good options. While at UBS, I actually proposed creating an office to deal with sociopathic employees but was not taken up on it (https://pathwhisperer.wordpress.com/proposal-to-ubs-upper-management/).

Sociopathic employee and HR.  Ha, ha, ha.  What does HR stand for?  Human Resources.  One would assume that HR’s job would be to take care of the human resources of a company, to see that their rights are respected in terms of both company policy and labor law.  Wrong.  In my experience HR’s job is to assist management in exploiting the workforce.  The term, Human Resources, is often merely a 180 degree lie.  Such lies are a great favorite of sociopaths so many sociopaths go into the field themselves, in my experience.  I have, more than once, seen sociopathic HR reps side with sociopathic employees, even criminal or mentally ill ones.

How to beat a sociopath in court? Another hard one.  Occasionally they defeat themselves, Thomas Capano and Wayne Williams insisted on testifying on their own behalf driven by their high self regard and pathological optimism.  In general I believe there is a vast problem of sociopathic judges, prosecutors and even defense attorneys siding with a sociopathic pleader even if this goes against the law or even the interests of a client.

16 thoughts on “Heavy duty searches that have found me

  1. I’m a psychopath, and there’s no way in hell I would sleep with either of my sisters. And I’m not pansexual, either. Whatever information your receiving is naught but unfounded, spiteful propaganda aimed at a condition you’re too afraid to understand.

  2. My ramblings about a sociopath-free society are simply that. Ramblings. Born of mind numbing pain and frustration.

    I can’t fathom a sociopath wanting to be ‘cured’. They think they’re superior to us mere humans! Why would they want to lose their edge? They’re predators. Can you imagine a hyena wanting to be cured of it’s fangs or it’s ability to scent it’s prey?

    It is sad. But I’ve run out of pity for them. It’s the pity that we feel that makes us targets….

    • I certainly can’t prove it. But I do believe they would choose to be cured, hopefully this isn’t wishful thinking. You can’t pity an individual psychopath, you can only protect yourself. I agree that they see sympathy as something to take advantage of.

      [on edit] Maybe I’m too optimistic, maybe only those sociopaths who feel frustrated, who feel their lives are out of control, who see normal families and careers and wish they could have that, etc. would choose our hypothetical cure.

      • My experience suggests that these people enjoy their freedom to exploit others. I spent several hours last week being crossexamined by one in his criminal trial for breaking a protective order. He has no wish to become prey. He is a happy predator.

  3. Love the sandwich board thought – amusing image in my head, thanks!
    I’ve actually thought that since so many of the worlds woes are caused by sociopaths, wouldn’t it be great if we could narrow down a dna marker? Have all pregnant women tested and terminate the pregnancy? Who wants to parent these things? Anyone not wanting to abort would have to agree to having the child closely monitored – any outward signs of sociopathy and bamm – desert island somewhere far away from society. Sounds harsh, but just think… there’d be virtually no more crime, no dirty politicians. Utopian, no?!

    • I think that’s a dangerous thought. I believe there are far too many sociopaths, millions upon millions, for that approach. I do agree that it would be great to have a DNA marker — in fact, I can’t understand how the marker isn’t already known. If a marker were public knowledge, then no doubt most parents would choose an abortion. I believe that would be enough. Sociopathic parents wouldn’t of course, but that’s our way. We don’t tell little people or congenitally blind people that they can’t have children. The DNA marker of sociopathy should be available tomorrow (figuratively speaking), further away is the triumph of gene splicing therapy. If sociopaths could be offered a “cure”, I have no doubt they would come running, falling over themselves, falling over each other, sobbing and crying at the chance.

      I once had a sociopath tell me that he was trying to understand why all his neighbors hated him, but he had decided they were simply jealous of him. I thought he was an evil and dangerous person, but he was also very, very sad.

  4. I’ve been reading the love fraud web site for many months. You’re right. If nothing else, it’s sometimes good to see how others are coping.
    Managed to get a restraining order. It was active till I moved 2000 miles away. But even when it was active, it was pretty much useless. The police in the area were evenly divided – some were responsive, others felt the need to stick with the ‘good ol’ boy’ game or were simply taken in by the pity ploy. And there are 2 kids involved. Now that I’m too far away to harass in person, he’s doing it through the legal system. I was just served with a lawsuit accusing me of abusing one of our kids. It’s complete nonsense, but will require me to spend money (he made sure) I don’t have to travel back there to defend against his accusations.
    I really wish there were some way to educate the judge. You can’t really blame them. No one in their right mind can believe the crap these sociopaths are capable of or the lengths they’ll go or the lies they’ll tell to play the game. Any sane person would think the truth is in the middle. Unless the judges have had a personal experience, the sociopath’s victims are doomed to failure in the courts.
    The book in the court room thing? I’ve done it! “The Sociopath Next Door” was my bible for quite awhile. But it seemed to go unseen. Maybe a bigger book with a larger title…. it’s hard to see from up there on the bench… literally and figuratively.

    • I’ve sometimes thought there should be a parallel justice track for dealing with sociopaths, perhaps civil and well as criminal. Particularly now that sociopaths can be recognized by brain structure. Judges in this system would all be educated concerning sociopaths (as well as having brain scans themselves) and juries would have to be sociopath-qualified juries. Not that this helps us now, just thinking aloud . . .

      I suppose sandwich boards wouldn’t be allowed in court.

  5. I have been the victim of a sociopath for twenty years. Seventeen of which he was my husband. It’s hard to say which is worse…. living with it or divorcing it. His treatment of me had me near suicide during our marriage. But I have been attacked and harassed non-stop since I left him in the courts. I AM alone. The legal system isn’t capable of dealing with this level of dishonesty. The courts always want to find a middle ground. So, no matter how outrageous his stories become, the court assumes there must be some truth in it. There is no ‘fair’. Fair is where you go to ride the rides and eat cotton candy. I fear I may never be free of this. It never stops. I can’t seem to get away from him, no matter how I try. The truth? Hah. There’s no justice for these creatures. They’re so good at their deception. Their stories are so seductive. How, someone please tell me how to make this stop….

    • You might want to check out DS’s sites: https://pathwhisperer.wordpress.com/2010/03/04/quadruple-search-today-how-to-cross-examine-a-sociopath/#comment-1859.

      I always send people to http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/, they have posters and writers who have lived through everything.

      I don’t know how tough you want to play it. Do you have a court order against contact or was he too clever to give you cause (or are there children involved)? At Lovefraud you should find some real life examples of what to do (and what not to do).

      But back to judges, nice guy/gal judges always want to find that middle ground (as you say) between two reasonable parties. Brainwashed to believe we are all brothers and sisters under the skin, they lack the intellectual mechanisms for dealing with sociopaths. It seems we only wake up from this brainwashing through horrendous personal experience.

      But even worse, is the collusion between sociopathic judges and sociopathic pleaders — laws be damned. The only thing that restrains sociopathic judges (of course of the SAP variety, socially adept psychopaths) is fear of being overturned. Short of that nothing restrains them. Perhaps we should all take up ostentatiously reading Mask of Sanity, Unmasking the Psychopath, etc. during court breaks.

        Unmasking the Psychopath

      has a nice red cover.

    • I am in your situation, only my soiopathic soon to be ex is a divorce lawyer. Within 24 hours of the marriage he informed me that if I ever wanted a F-ing divorce he would write the decree and I would sign it. If I ever attempted to get an attorney then he would F me over in ways that I couldn’t even imagine. I now have spent tens of thousands of dollars fighting him all the way to the state’s Court of Appeals whenever he does not get his way. He just represents himself and lies.

      I live with an alarm system, motion detectors, shot guns, 9mm handguns, and a dog. I do not go outside unarmed and keep my weapons handy inside my home. I am considering moving to another state or another country.

      Don’t give up.They won’t. Protect yourself. Surround yourself with friends. Nobody else will understand what it is like to go what you have been through. That is their plan

      . When my ex told me that he would torture and kill me if “I ever told about him,” I didn’t know what he meant by tell about him. These people do not want others to see behind the mask. I believe you and lots of others do too. We have seen the monster behind the mask. I for one would happy to see gone. End of problem.

  6. My ex-husband is a sociopath. We have joint custody of our 2 children. Our son (10 years old) started getting into trouble in school for lying, and after several requests to my ex-husband for help, he simply rewarded him every time for lying and encouraged our son to disrespect me and my friends. In a heated arguement with my son, I gave him one slap (not hard) across his face, and I told my ex-huband that I had given him a slap. I am not defending in any way that giving my son a slap was wrong, but I sure did not deserve what followed. My ex-husband had me arrested and brought up on battery charges. Initally my ex-husband was given temporary custody, and I was found not guilty. My ex-husband told my family, his family and pretty much anyone who would listen, a host of differant injuries that I supposedly inflicted, and he was telling differant people completely differant stories. He has claimed that I have all sorts of mental issues, which ironically, I have never sought treatment for, or recieved treatment for, or even had it suggested that I had mental issues in my life. He claims to these people that no police photos were taken of these injuries, which police photos were taken and the only mark they showed were the obvious signs that our son had been crying. He had even taken our son to several police stations before he found a police officer to agree to follow up on his complaint. When he or his family see any of my friends out they shout and harrass my friends. He continues to lie effortlessly in family court, making my attempts at regaining custody of our children very difficult. A court appointed forensic psychologist has determined that he has brain-washed our children and we are now victims of Parental Alienation Syndrome. It [never] ceases to amaze me the damage that one sociopath can inflict on so many lives, and feel no remorse or guilt what-so-ever.

    • It’s amazing how everyone in these situations is totally alone. The courts and other authorities all pretend sociopaths don’t exist (or don’t know — but how could that be?). There is no public mechanism for handling sociopaths and their actions.

      I wonder when your ex was police shopping if he wasn’t looking for a co-sociopath.

      You say that it never ceases to amaze you the damage sociopaths can do and feel no remorse (I added the “never”, yes?). They feel no remorse because we are just bugs on the windshield to them — their brains aren’t wired to feel remorse.

      Have you used the word sociopath in describing your ex to family and friends? Legally the truth is its own defense.

  7. I don’t like the comment about HR personnel. I am an office manager trying to find out how to deal with a secretary who is a sociopath. The gentleman she works for thinks she is wonderful – but he is never in the office. Everyone around here knows what is going on. When I try to talk with her boss about the issue, I am told that I have a chip on my shoulder about her.

    If you have any suggestions, I’d appreciate it. She’s been here two years and pushes most of her work off on someone else. She is supposed to work for two people, but the second person always has to find someone else to do his work.

    • Well, I was speaking from my own experiences. Nothing would make me happier than to be proven wrong, than to find out that professionals such as yourself are the norm.

      I understand your delicate position — you can see the situation but can only make suggestions. Once an individual becomes a “devotee” of a sociopath, it seems they simply can see no wrong regarding the sociopath and sometimes can not even entertain the possibility. I can’t think of anything new, but simply suggest sticking “just to the facts.” I would suggest building a record of the sociopathic employee’s derelictions of duty. It seems that the recognition of a sociopath is an “emotional, soul journey” that is not transferable to others — everyone has to experience their own “oh, moment.” At any rate I don’t think I ever persuaded anyone in a work situation of another’s sociopathy (and would no longer try). So I would concentrate on tracking verifiable behavior and building a record (and be sure, of course, to draw on other witnesses so it doesn’t appear personal).

      As an aside, hopefully not applicable in your workplace, sociopathic employees will often recognize and protect each other. Also, sociopathic employees often solidify their position through blackmail, in my experience. I once knew an incompetent department head who held her position for 18 years, being fired only after her “patron” was fired. Finally, the longer a troublesome sociopathic employee (which they don’t have to be, it’s really a choice) remains in a job, the more trouble there will be — often with devastating effects on others’ professional and personal lives.

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