“Best book to understand Gaslighting”

Just saw this:

Hi there,

Im looking for a book that explains gaslighting really well. Its for me and my Dad.

My mum abused me as a child, along with her siblings.
ts a big family secret they have kept well by using group gaslighting.  Their gaslighting, and pretending nothing happened/excluding me, is probably the last biggest hurdle I have in healing (My dad was also manipulated by them).  At some level…I still find it hard to believe myself.

So i’m looking for a really good book about gaslighting.  Any help would be very much appreciated!  https://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,44230.msg716939.html#msg716939

Among the answers:

The term stems from the film Gas Light which is free available on youtube so maybe apart from the recommended books about psychopathy it’s useful to (re)watch the film to get better understanding?


There is a book called “The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life” by Dr. Robin Stern. I read it a few years ago and thought it was excellent. 
https://www.amazon.com/Gaslight-Effect-Survive-Manipulation-Control/dp/0767924452
George Simon’s book “In Sheep’s Clothing” is really good too.
https://www.amazon.com/Sheeps-Clothing-Understanding-Dealing-Manipulative/dp/1935166301

Another good one is: The Empathy Trap: Understanding Antisocial Personalities by by Jane McGregor and Tim McGregor.

The authors also had an interview on SOTT Talk Radio: https://www.sott.net/article/270014-Behind-the-Headlines-The-Empathy-Trap-Understanding-how-predators-manipulate-peoples-strengths-and-weaknesses

https://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,44230.0.html

For those who have never experienced gaslighting I would suggest starting with the movie itself.

I once went into the local precinct to report that I thought that individuals were entering my apartment (I suspected an ex and a friend).  The PAA asked me if anything was stolen.  I replied no, only that electrical/electronic devices were turned on and off.  She just looked at me.  I was almost embarrassed to be saying it out loud.  I never got to the part, “oh yeah, and I think the guy was a cop.”

There are actually two types of gaslighting:  the first where the victim is not aware that the gaslighting is purposeful, the second where the victim is fully aware (by the gaslighter’s intent) but can’t say anything because no one will believe them.

 

The ripple effect, the endless daisy chain, the cut out dolls unfolding to infinity damaging all they touch

The ripple effect comment (bolding added) from a Lovefraud post on Richard Matt and David Sweat, What makes a psychopath, and why they don’t change.

“Jan7says:

The ripple effect of Evil psychopaths is never ending….these two psychopaths literally took over this prison with their masterful manipulation, cunningness, lies, reward & punishment techniques, brain washing, mind control. Im sure gas lighting abuse etc….

They manipulated the female prison guard for sex (like all psychopaths do) [I would say they manipulated her THROUGH sex.  Also I would predict that David Sweat actually had sex with most of the women that his prison schedule brought him in frequent contact with.  Not for the sex, but for security, future possibilities and blackmail.  That’s what Don Juan’s do.  Sex for security is not generally understood, because it is not naturally understandable for normals.  Look at it this way, psychopaths experience life as ‘strangers in a strange land’.  They are surrounded by the others doing things they don’t understand for reasons they don’t understand.  They wish to feel secure.  Many have realized that if you scratch a normal behind the elbow that normal becomes emotionally attached to you (I’m talking about sex of course, but for them sex is no more meaningful emotionally than that elbow scratch would be for us).  They gain security and protection through lovers. — PW] & who knows what else they demanded from her…we all know she was abused in every way by these two psychopaths but the media states…”she must have been lonely & insecure”…..then these evil psychopaths manipulated other guards with their con games.

Thus far 12 prison guards have been suspended, one arrested & released on bond, and the female guard arrested & in jail still….but the ripple effect of these two psychopaths does not end there because each and every family member of these guards were effected as well plus the community & their friends. Reputations have been ruined as well as future financial security for being fired.

Despite CNN having countless people on their show including John Walsh of Americas Most Wanted (& who now has a series on CNN), Retired FBI profilers, Psychologist etc stating that these two individuals were psychopath and are masterful manipulators they still blame this female prison guard & other guards….and so no one is ever really educated in our society…and sadly the victims of a psychopath continue to be abuse & thrown under the bus because of lack of knowledge or lack of truly understanding how many psychopath are on this planet and how they can manipulate anyone for their personal gain.

In addition the police are “interviewing” the one escape that is still alive to gain “knowledge” of what other guards did favors for them and other prisoners because police are still so clueless that a psychopath LIES & creates a SMEAR CAMPAIGN for control & power. And these are law enforcement’s people doing the interviewing! This psychopath is going to have his last hooray by screwing more people over with his manipulative lies.  [Absolutely.  Further, in no way should David Sweat be put back in the same prison.  He knows ‘where all the bodies are buried’.  It’s not like he’s telling the truth to his interviewers, he’s telling them a strategic story.  Back in the same prison he’ll be even more of a puppet master. — PW]

The whole mess could have easily been avoid all together just by keeping the guards separated from these psychopaths instead these psychopath were given free range to con people. Time & access like the video that was posted earlier this week…Time & access is all a psychopath needs to love bomb/groom their next victim into their con game.

Sad world we live in.”  http://www.lovefraud.com/2015/06/30/what-makes-a-psychopath-and-why-they-dont-change/comment-page-1/#comment-215525

Faulkner said that an act of evil is like throwing a rock into a body of water, there is no telling where the ripples will reach.

In a character assassination campaign the daisy chain can be broken simply by telling the victim the rumors.  “There must be no accusations that can be answered“ (Psychopathic character assassination and murder-by-suicide as depicted in Orwell’s Burmese Days,  https://pathwhisperer.wordpress.com/2014/10/22/psychopathic-character-assassination-and-murder-by-suicide-as-depicted-in-orwells-burmese-days/).  But no one does (even though there are many free and anonymous email providers and internet cafes/copy centers).

This is the insanity I live with — where do these ads come from and what do they mean?

Recently I went to an email account of mine and found this ad.

For years (over 10) I would see this same ad (or a similar one for the same website) on an auction website that I went to frequently.  I believe it now showed up in the email program to let me know it had been hacked (by a cop friend of my ex).  What good is getting over on somebody, if you can’t let them know?  Those who know how to do it can write scripts to send the metatags of their choice to advertising services.

This email website normally only has one series of ads.  Yet I also saw, one time only, a Charmin bathroom tissue ad (for around three seconds, literally).  I took this to mean that they had accessed my instrument/emergency supplies storage facility (no big deal).

Originally I thought the ad on the auction website was connected with firearms in the auctions.  However I never searched for any firearms and most were long guns anyway.  Furthermore this was the only firearm ad ever showing up.  I believe they wanted me to click on it, presumably to portray me as a violent individual.

However I have zero interest in concealed carry personally.  The only time I might wish to have a handgun would be if I lived on a farm or in bear country.  Other than that, I wouldn’t be interested in owning one.

For awhile now, I’ve prevented ads from appearing on my computer.  So I turned them back on and went to the same auction website.  Voila:

Screenshot from 2014-09-13

How am I supposed to take this?  Just more shenanigans from gas lighting psychopaths or something more sinister?

When the therapist husband (Steven Cope, http://www.stevencope.com/, http://www.yelp.com/biz_photos/steven-cope-lcsw-new-york) of my ex’s therapist almost ran me down (as it appeared from my standpoint), he looked simply terrified and extremely angry.  I have no idea why.  I have no record of violence or violent threats.  I suspect one of the psychopathic cops is painting a false picture for his own purposes.  Or perhaps he, his wife  (Nancy Becker, http://nancybeckertherapy.com/, https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/name/Nancy_Becker_LCSW_New+York_New+York_145736), and her (their?) group therapy group are in the thrall of a psychopathic member of the group.

Now, there is a logical, nonviolent possible reason for their (my ex’s psychopathic police friends) believing these ads might be effective in drawing me in (I never clicked on one of them ever).  But that would involve repeated jail time felonies on their part.  I believe they used to give tours of my apartment to my ex, at the time I had a few gun magazines around.  I see these ads as proof of their illegal entry.

The NYPD knows who the main individual is through my communications.  I wish they would prove to themselves the psychopathic-or-not status of this individual, through Adrian Raines brain scans (https://pathwhisperer.wordpress.com/tag/adrian-raine/).

The subtlety of sociopaths

From gaslighting – sociopath’s manipulation. at http://iluvjah.wordpress.com/, this hypothetical discussion might seem slight, but imagine the same conversation with many different details coming at you from many different angles, day in and day out.  The aim (fully conscious in my opinion) is to pull the target into the morass, destabilize their footing, leave them in confusion.

John and Mary are a couple and live together, Mary does not smoke cigarettes, John does. Mary has nothing against John’s smoking in the flat, but one day she gets ill, has some breathing problems and the cigarette smoke starts to irritate her. On Monday, Mary, because of her illness, asks John not to smoke in the flat but to go outside. John agrees and when smoking, he goes outside. Friday evening, John, sitting next to Mary in the living room, lights up his cigarette, the argument starts.

M: John, I asked you not to smoke here, I do not feel good with that.
J: (already with a pitched voice) What? You didn’t say that you do not want me to smoke.
M: Yes, On Monday I asked you not to do that.
J:  (almost shouting) No, I do not remember this discussion, but you told me yesterday – you were to buy the toiled paper and you did not do that. (gaslighting starts to work now).
M: Yes, I already did that – check the closet, but It was three days ago.
J: No, it was yesterday, and there is still no paper (still repeating that there is none, even if Mary assures him there is the paper)
M: No, It was on Tuesday, remember – it was when my friend came, she went to the toilet and could not find the paper – then you told me to go and buy.
J: (Mary shows the paper) That friend of yours is stupid, and I am sure it was yesterday… (cigarettes or paper?, no, there was nothing about smoking. Go on Johny – tell Mary how stupid is her friend…)

The story is made up, a little absurd and peculiar, but this is more or less how being in a relation with a sociopath looks like, and how pointless the arguments are.

Mary should feel guilty, John did nothing wrong… anyway he must stay in control. Depending on the situation – the aggressor ends up with a triumph on his face or just looks angry and pity. If he does not succeed he will be behaving like offended – he was the victim here and that was Mary who was his aggressor.

Thanks to many articles and experience, I learned how to recognize when the gaslighting is taking place and what to do when it happens – it is not easy… sometimes it is hard to feel that moment and you get into the argument – pointless argument in most cases. Those quarrels, in many cases start when the victim is trying to explain some difficult matter or defend against the aggressor and the aggressor feels the moment to put his sociopathic skills into work.

Once being a victim, after the realization moment, one should calm down and use the anti-sociopath formulas to get out of the argument:
– I will not quarrel with you, this is pointless.
– You make no sense, I will not continue this discussion.
– Please, stop, you make no sense, I will not talk about that any more now.  http://iluvjah.wordpress.com/2014/09/04/sociopaths-time-manipulation/