Posts Tagged ‘bullying’


From the comments:


I am so sad that my world of associates continues to dwindle because of the subtle words, set ups and comparisons to unlikable TV/Movie characters that my soon to be ex husband continues to make about me when around others.

He trashed my reputation to such lengths that I don’t even know where to even begin to try and 1) show these people that I am not the person he is making me out to be.  . . .

I would appreciate something that may work. His behaviors and tall tales are also having an effect on my son’s social life too. I am an attractive person, a caring nice person, have always been popular and well liked. People that don’t have any idea who I am hate me because of my ex husband. He has done this to me even before we were divorcing. But now it has begun and taken hold in my new town and school district. What can I do? Something please !


@ Becca …

I know the sadness all too well. I only know a fraction of what has been said about my life and character, but those who do know the lies will never tell. I came to the conclusion after believing I could spread the truth about me that it was all too late. Those people, even family members, didn’t want to listen to me. In the eyes of many, I am an true outcast.

I eventually came to terms with what I was faced with, and instead of taking the route of continually being so depressed and not achieving anything positive, I accepted I had to let go, and erase them from my life. That included my two daughters.

In my experience, I’ve never heard a victim turn things around, though I would hope it’s happened. That has the effect of taking you down, but do not let it. Come to peace with your life and future, and the new people you will meet.

Well that’s depressing.  Why are these character assassinations so believed, that the victim himself is never told the accusations?  Amazing.  The effects are not small, the victim’s life is absolutely devastated.

From another comment, David:

Believe me moving away does not help to much, because I believe what people go through you still live with it. I to have the same problem. The whole thing of just turning off. When I wake up everything that has happened to me starts all over again. I think about it every moment. I make bad decisions because of what’s on my mind. There are times, when I too can’t get a breath in.

It not only extends through every moment of the victim’s life, but extends outward.  The victim’s stress is brought home to their family.  Marriages founder.  Divorces result.  The victim’s preoccupation (or spreading cancer of anxiety) distorts the victim’s judgement, and causes the victim to miss cues from others, sometimes important ones.  Sleep is hard, activated anxiety centers never go to sleep.

Imagine what Becca must have felt in her new town as she felt it all happening again.  Her silent screams as though she were on thin ice watching the cracks seek her out, following her from her past locations, powerless to affect or stop them.  Or perhaps she felt she was being pursued by ghosts that could strike her at will, but that she could neither see nor defend against.

We are all social animals.  We need secure communities of friends and believe we have them.  Victims of psychopathic character assassination know that is not true.  For them, what was once solid ground becomes a thin crust over a sea of acid.  They never know when a footfall will break through.

It should be pointed out that the psychopath’s aim is murder, murder by suicide.

The daisy chain of evil has to be broken.  Or perhaps a better metaphor would be the paper cutout doll chain needs to be broken lest it unfold into infinity, damaging all it touches.

But no one helps.  The psychopath’s whispering campaign is absolutely and totally believed.  The victim is almost never even told, ‘the word on the street about you is . . . ., thought you should know.’  Sad.

August 10, 2015:  I am simply stunned that no one has ever communicated the character assassination allegations against myself.  I once offered a woman who, from one day to the next, turned her head to the wall rather than say hello to me (and we had been workplace friends for years – this pattern happened repeatedly but slowly over the years, the psychopathic perp couldn’t risk my inner circle telling me), a hundred dollars if she (or her husband if she preferred) would tell me the whyfor.  Plenty of people who know me read this blog.  Comments can be totally anonymous.  There is no need to fill out any identifying field.  Further to protect their IP address, if desired, anyone can simply go to a copy center or internet cafe.  Comments are moderated so it is a private communication.  If preferred there are also many free and anonymous email account providers.  I just don’t get it.  Where’s the downside?  I would help and have helped others in similar situations.

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Since I don’t know if this is taking place in a school, a neighborhood or a workplace but since my own personal knowledge comes from workplaces I’ll use that.  For workplace bullying targets, I suggest the following:

1.  Make one, but probably only one, very firm push against the sociopath, both with co-workers and management.  This is a ‘do unto others before they do unto you’ situation — don’t hold back, realize your attacker will not play fair, respond accordingly.

2.  If a case can be made without reference to the bully being a sociopath, go down that path.  Too many people simply can’t wrap their minds around an individual in their circle actually being a sociopath, this often (almost always?) includes management and HR (how can this be?).

3.  If the bully is so crafty that the campaign is invisible to third parties, in complaints to management and HR directly assert that the individual is a sociopath.  Refer them to http://www.bullyonline.org/ if need be.  Suggest that they request a brain scan from the bully.  You want to have the workplace bully fired, they don’t play ‘live and let live.’

4.  If the bully is protected by a high placed devotee (some individuals fall under a cultish spell regarding an admired sociopath — they are impossible to get through to, being almost as dedicated to the sociopath as a mother is to her own two year old.  (I am totally serious.)); or if the sociopathic bully is protected by fellow sociopaths in management and/or HR (though management can override HR if management is strongly on your side) then leave.  Give up.  It doesn’t matter how much you like the job, how much you invested in it, etc. you can not trade blows with a sociopath.  Everything connected to you is fair game to them, your reputation, your family, your spouse.  Furthermore, workplace bullies may spend years on bullying campaigns.  I’ve found them to be ‘beyond the pale’ sociopaths, completely emotionless mimics of normal human beings.  Being emotionless they have no normal satisfactions and pleasures — to them it makes sense to dedicate years and immense effort and brainpower on these campaigns.  If you say that “no enemy is going to make my choices for me” and stay, you, your marriage, and your family will be damaged by the corrosive stress of the situation — people die from this everyday, believe me.  Don’t do it.

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Dr. Gabor Maté on ADHD, Bullying and the Destruction of American Childhood

The bully is just a kid who is emotionally very immature, has a desperate need to belong, and the way he attempts to do so is by exploiting somebody else’s vulnerability. But these are not deliberate behaviors, so they don’t call for punishments. What they call for is the understanding of where bullying arises out of.  http://www.democracynow.org/2010/11/24/dr_gabor_mat_on_adhd_bullying

I simultaneously thought his comments were both excellent and deeply flawed.

He is totally unaware of or disbelieving in sociopathy (as a genetic, dichotomous form of humanity).  He very well lays out how empathy can be destroyed, how faux sociopaths can be created but doesn’t allow for the existence of those born without empathy or the possibility of developing it.  True sociopaths lead, set the bar, set the example for the faux sociopaths.  Bullying and other morally corrupt/damaged empathy social problems have two aspects — but the sociopathic side is totally ignored.

We need some high profile humanists to publicly recognize the problem of sociopathy, to say that we simply aren’t all brothers and sisters under the skin.  I used to read Alice Miller, Robert Bradshaw, etc.  They neither ever mentioned sociopathy, nor seemed to feel there was some motivation, some force in the tragedies of their patients and subjects that they couldn’t account for.  Though looking back I definitely see psychopathic individuals described in their writings.

On one hand Gabor Mate is a very deep thinker, on the other hand what he says is common sense.  Why has this common sense been so ignored or even smashed in our era?  Enlightened, deeply humanistic common sense has lost out to a sociopathic simple-mindedness, greed and ego-driven self-serving lack of understanding of others.  Surely he sees that, yet he can’t see that true sociopaths are the cause of his own defeat.  Preaching love to the loveless is a losing strategy.

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Easy.  Put the word out that bullies will be forced to undergo brain scans to determine if they are sociopathic or not.  The sociopaths’ involvement will dry up almost immediately.  Parents know if they if their child is a bully, but the last thing they want is for their child to bear the stigma of being an identified sociopath.  Few sociopaths are criminally insane, in the sense that they can’t help themselves.  Draw a line they don’t want to cross and they won’t cross it.  For those without that self control, reopen the mental hospitals.

Also for schools with repeated bullying problems, require that the principal undergo the same scan.  If sociopaths sense a sociopath at the top, they feel licensed.  I think child sociopaths would be similarly sensitive, if inarticulate regarding the situation.

I consider all corruption and evil to have two components — sociopathic and nonsociopathic.  Each component needs its own approach.  Also I believe handling the sociopathic corruption will automatically reduce the nonsociopathic corruption by removing that leadership.

We have the knowledge and the technology, why aren’t we using it?

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Paterson Sex Scandal In The Works? Media Abuzz About Possible ‘Bombshell’ Storyhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/05/paterson-sex-scandal-in-t_n_451681.html

It seems there is a gang stalking campaign against New York’s governor.  To sociopaths truth is of no value at all — there is no truth value to the truth.  What is of value is what can be made to stick, what can cause damage.

The campaign has taken place across multiple media outlets, in particular, the New York Times, the NY Daily News, the NY Post and the local Fox station, among others.  The campaign seems to have been built on rumors of a yet to be published New York Times article. The New York Times claims no involvement, no responsibility for what other media outlets are doing.  This is sociopathically outrageous and slimy.  The New York Times should have either shut down the rumors by denying the story existed or hurried the article to take the story out of the realm of steamrolling, backstabbing rumor. Then facts or purported facts could be ascertained and dealt with.  However, the accent here was on the steamrolling of a supposed scandal, which formed the basic method of this gang stalking strategy.  From the standpoint of the stalkers, this campaign was designed to gain strength and constantly get bigger over time, hopefully overwhelming the target, Gov. Paterson.

Simultaneously with the rumors of misbehavior there have been multiple stories of Paterson’s plans of imminent retirement.  First they pile on, then they offer a way outThis is a pure sociopathic bullying strategy.

The other day I caught Fox 5 leading off with a story on “What is Gov. Paterson up to” (referring to his possible resignation in face of the supposed scandal).  This of course infers that Paterson was up to something — as opposed to his just standing there, saying ‘What the hell?!  Where are these brickbats coming from?”

I even came across a post on the DemocraticUnderground.com titled “Why the hell is Paterson so determined to stick it out?” http://www.democraticunderground.com//discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389×7687408.  Well maybe false charges don’t scare him?  Personally I wouldn’t cross a street in response to false charges.

However this gives us insight into the sociopathic mind. I have seen many times that sociopaths don’t hesitate at all to accept and take great pleasure in false honors.  The “deservedness”  is of no consequence to them. In addition words seem to have some tangible reality to them, in and of themselves — as opposed to the reality that words only have meaning in reference to what they are describing.  So the falsely gained praise or honor is of great value to individual sociopaths.  Similarly in this case, they seem to be demonstrating that a false attack is just as real to them as a false honor.  Both would apparently hold sway over them personally.  This attack on Paterson says much more about themselves than it does about Paterson.

On the Larry King show, Gov. Paterson made the plea for “simple human decency,” as I recall, in calling for the NY Times to say what they have to say — so he would know what he faced.  Indeed.  It is amazing to me how little simple human decency exists in sociopathic assaults on reputations.  The sociopaths and their corrupt allies have none at all.  If the consciences of the corrupt ever come to the fore, the corrupt look to the guidance of the sociopaths to beat that conscience back down.  This is the true value of the sociopath in corrupt enterprises — they blaze the conscienceless trail.

Strangely, third parties also seem to rarely exhibit this simple human decency, watching disinterestedly from the sidelines while the target writhes like an insect caught in a spider’s web, fighting to regain his feet, his equilibrium.  I don’t know why this is — anyone deserves to know the charges against them, in a court of law or in daily life. Perhaps it’s a combination of most people being unable to conceive of themselves being under this kind of assault, or the bigger the lie the easier it is to swallow, or people just assuming where’s there’s smoke there must be fire.

Here David Paterson did know some of the shadow charges against him.  In other varieties of sociopathic bullying campaigns the target may not know any of the charges and only see “friends” dropping away or feel like the solid earth underfoot has become brittle and hollow.  Or still another variety is invisible to third parties.  The diabolical nature of and effort put into these bullying campaigns can be extraordinary.

Updates with PW comments:

The New York Times’ Paterson story:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/16/new-york-times-paterson-b_n_464893.html?show_comment_id=40442659#comment_40442659

Paterson Bows Out of N.Y. Governor Race:  http://www.truthdig.com/eartotheground/item/paterson_bows_out_of_ny_governor_race_20100226/

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This is the first time I’ve ever seen this search.  All I can say, the most extreme female sociopath I’ve ever known said cats and dogs hated her.  Was this just something unique to her or do dogs and cats have some innate sense of fairplay?  Did they recognize her as a rapacious, reptilian-minded predator?  I don’t know.  [More in the comments below.]

Other searches

Pseudologia fantastica in real person: Yep, it’s real alright.  Actually if one is not immediately caught up and swept away by the pseudologue’s “pity play” then they are more obvious than regular sociopaths — their stories are so extreme and fantastical.

How to get a workplace sociopath to leave: Good luck.

How to let go of a sociopath: This will happen when your soul (not your mind) realizes there is no soul in the other person.  If this doesn’t happen, perhaps the other person is not a sociopath or perhaps you are actually fighting a realization that one of your parents is sociopathic ($50 please).

Or in the emotional immediacy of transsociopathica‘s words:

A few months after you have recovered you will wonder what you ever saw in these things. They will rapidly seem cold, ugly, empty, pathetic, distorted and almost deformed to you. That’s because this is what they are, always were, and you are finally perceiving them in their real unmasked state. This ‘broken beast’ is all that’s left and the only memory you’ll have of them going into the future. It’s all they deserve, because it is all they are.  http://transsociopathica.blogspot.com/2009/10/farewell-my-sociopath-hello-real-love.html

Sociopath at parties: Due to few inhibitions and no shame they can be real lives of the party.  Read “The Incredible Charlie Carewe” (http://www.amazon.com/incredible-Charlie-Carewe-Mary-Astor/dp/B00005W69S). Some are also very, very skillful at party crashing. (https://kat.cr/the-incredible-charlie-carewe-mary-astor-mobi-t7972573.html, https://openlibrary.org/books/OL5798604M/The_incredible_Charlie_Carewe).

Sociopath and blackmailing: Goes together like ham and eggs.  They love crimes without consequence.

Pictures of  Thomas Capano: Hmmm.  This is a repeat search.  He’s the only one of my blog’s possible sociopaths (more than possible in his case) whose picture people seem particularly interested in.  I don’t know why.

I was with a sociopath for 8 years…why? For one thing, since no one is ever informed of this possibility as they are growing up or upon reaching romantic age, it often takes years for someone to realize their situation.  Also, as the sociopath often cons relatives of the non-sociopath, individuals in your position are really on their own.  Addressing this is one of the main missions of my blog.

You have a lot of company.  Ann Landers was married for thirty years to the sociopath, in my opinion of course, Jules Lederer (who she described as the best salesman in the world).  They met while she was shopping for a wedding dress for her upcoming marriage to another person.  Just the kind of challenge that might appeal to a “super” sociopath.  Also, as I recall, her sister, Dear Abby, criticized her after the divorce for not understanding her husband.

Are sociopaths giving to neighbors and friends? I have witnessed such behavior, but it was only used to engender goodwill to set up later depredations.  Like a “pity play” (all sociopaths excel at inducing people to feel sorry for them) it brings people to their side emotionally.  Often, it seems, they want a reservoir of protectors before they commit their antisocial depredations (such as date/friend rape, “dress gray” rape, tricking a teen neighbor into prostitution, outright thievery, “murder by suicide” bullying (this is no exaggeration), blackmail, etc.).  They want the accuser to be met with angry disbelief (anger that such a nice person would be accused).  Not only do they wish to protect themselves through “plausible lies,” they want to place their victims in the position of having to claim “implausible truths.”

Can God change a sociopath? The short answer is no.  That would be akin to changing a stone into a block of wood, or lead to gold.  If the question is actually can sociopaths be lead to see the error of their ways and cease being sociopaths, unfortunately the answer is absolutely not.  Sociopaths have their own nature, they are the way they are born to be.  “Socially acceptable psychopaths” (SAPs) who, by definition are capable as passing in normal society, can choose whether or not to follow society’s norms and laws but they can’t feel them.  Justice and empathy are just empty words, even to them.  This searcher might be interested in the post,  More structural brain abnormalities seen in psychopaths.  I think its clear that most sociopaths are born with these brain structures.  Related posts on psychopathy/sociopathy brain structures:  https://pathwhisperer.info/2014/12/09/psychopathy-marker-neurodevelopmental-marker-for-limbic-maldevelopment-in-antisocial-personality-disorder-and-psychopathy/https://pathwhisperer.info/2011/11/29/criminal-minds-will-testing-the-brain-even-before-birth-separate-the-good-seeds-from-the-bad/https://pathwhisperer.info/2015/02/01/psychopaths-brains-dont-grasp-punishment-scans-reveal/https://pathwhisperer.info/2014/02/03/post-redux-what-the-heck-are-these-brain-structures-meaningful-or-not/https://pathwhisperer.info/2015/09/18/test-all-presidential-candidates/.

Drifter & sociopath: The drifters and rolling stones of life are in fact often sociopaths, driven by boredom and lack of emotional bonds.  Boredom is simply one of their prime driving forces.  Thus the backwaters, catch basins and outposts of empires or large nations have a much higher sociopathic percentage — for example, California, Australia and New Zealand.

Will my baby be born a sociopath?: Here’s a heart breaker.  From the little I know, it seems the genetics of sociopathy is very complex.  I’ll try to look into this further.  If this searcher was attracted to a sociopath because one of her parents was sociopathic the odds aren’t good.

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