Search: “I’m being blackmailed by a sociopath, what can I do?”

This post is one of my most often visited posts, yet has relatively few comments.  Any other real world experiences to share?

First of all blackmail is always a contest of wills.  Often reverse blackmail is possible — ‘carry out your threat and I’ll have you arrested’ or “you think you couldn’t be identified in that picture?”  To have the  blackmailer on tape would be very useful, use a cellphone or a discreet tape recorder.  I am not a lawyer, but I believe a tape of even a “your secret is safe with me” or a joking (but not really) threat would still carry weight in court.  Implied threats would be more problematical but worth noting.

Could a blackmail threat be subliminal?  Subliminal extortion is certainly possible.  If one loans too much money to a sociopath, there is a stress to keep loaning money lest the earlier amounts never be paid back.  (But of course, they almost never will be – one has to wake up and stop throwing good money after bad.)

But back to blackmail.  I don’t know what this searcher’s situation is, my experience involved what I assumed to be sexual blackmail taking place in a workplace.

Blackmail of course relies on the cooperation of the victim who is counted on to have as much interest in not going to the police as the blackmailer does.  For the sociopath this makes it almost a perfect crime, a crime without consequence to the perp.  Further if the sociopath can blackmail others into doing his dirty work, slander or murder etc., he’s protected on these additional crimes.   The victim needs to understand that blackmail is rarely a onetime thing, the victim is really entering into a criminal compact with the blackmailer that can last for years.

You do not want to be blackmailed. You may start by feeling ‘this is insane.’  But as the years go by the insanity becomes a way of life.  If it’s in a job situation, leave, asap — the situation is not manageable.

Depending on how tough of a strategy you wish to use, you might want to file harassment or even stalking charges against the blackmailer.  You might also want to check your local laws and get a concealed carry permit (but don’t threaten the sociopathic blackmailer directly, just let the word out).  Regarding a concealed carry I would suggest never threatening a sociopath with a gun.  The sociopath will sense, before you know yourself, whether you have the will and intent to use it.  That’s their prime ability, reading others’ emotional states.

Let me add a couple searches here.

what is reverse blackmail?

Blackmail always presents the opportunity of reverse blackmail, namely, ‘if you do what you threaten, then I’ll have you jailed for blackmail, your choice.’  It’s an ‘out cooling’ strategy.  You can’t pull it off if you are playing however.  You need to really believe you can do it, so practice etc.  Otherwise a sociopath will see right through the attempt.  The reverse blackmail has to be true to your personality, you might chose humor and joking.

does blackmail lead to further blackmail?

Absolutely, often a lifetime of blackmail.  Sometimes it seems someone will accede to a blackmail demand as a way to preserve their world and their life as they know it — but then the blackmailer will essentially move in and take over their life.  No sociopath will ever be bound by a promise of ‘do this and then you’re free.’  That’s why it is worth fighting the initial blackmail attempt tooth and nail (reverse blackmail, building a harassment case, getting a concealed carry permit, etc.).

will a sociopath carry out a blackmail threat?

I think they would be extremely cautious about doing so.  The whole advantage of a successful blackmail is that the perpetrator is not exposed to any danger, the victim in effect becomes his accomplice.


15 thoughts on “Search: “I’m being blackmailed by a sociopath, what can I do?”

  1. Good luck, that’s exactly what blackmailers are dining on, your sense of security and weakness.I was looking for activity on this subject for some stimulating tips on dealing with blackmail,but I can’t see any listed here. Everyones problems are too long when I can list my entire story in about 20 lines. And still there is no reason anyone would find a reason to lend a helping hand.


  2. Thank you, pathwhisperer, for accepting my comment. The name of the sociopath I was married to, and am still involved with, is the semi-famous “truth movement” (cough, cough) leader: Jeff Rense.

    For information on this, go directly to this page on my website:

    I had to make a website documenting my entire life, as this sociopath took to having his right-hand minion buy up a number of URLs of my real name and filling them with outrageous slander.

    This was in retaliation for me coming out anonymously with my story of marrying Jeff:


    • I was wondering why I was getting so many visitors from the Rense site.

      I’m sorry for your experiences.

      Megan, when I have a chance I’ll look over your material.

      Steeping aside, let me state for the record, that I have no independent knowledge of the allegations in the above comment. Accepting the comment does not imply that I endorse them (or dispute them), they are simply allegations as far as this blog is concerned.


      • Thanks, pathwhisperer! I understand. I appreciate you allowing me to post! I would love it if you had the time to look at my website, I have loads of documentation to back up what I say. Your opinion on it would be highly valued.


  3. I believe I am being blackmailed and not sure what to do. I have an ex who traded camera phone pics with me when we were dating. Lets just say they are for our eyes only. She has mental problems from alcoholism, sexual abuse as a child, and multiple personalities. She is threating to post and email this picture on Facebook and wherever else she can unless I pay attention to her again. I simply broke up with her and have moved on, but she hasnt. So, shes trying to use this against me as a way for me to “still like her”. I have an impeccable reputation and own a business. I have colleagues, school friends, co workers, and more who can be exposed to this pic if she uploads it. I will be ruined and 15 years of hard work will destroy me. As far as the pic I have of her – I can’t use it back. She was fired (has no job), and very little friends who wouldn’t really care if they saw her pic. The men she plays anyway would probably love the pic. I am not sure what to do. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks in advance.


    • It seems like a desperation move on her part, not high stakes like seeking money, job security or forced participation in a psychopathic criminal or harassment campaign — so she might be more amenable to reason and more willing to back down. For starters (after recording her threats and keeping anything she put in writing), I’d simply tell her very calmly that if she does that you will be forced to refer her to criminal prosecution. You have to “out cool” her. You could also have an attorney call her to spell out the likely results. You might already be capable of referring her to the D.A., though you presumably don’t wish to do that at this point and would need to talk to a lawyer first anyway. Be sure to keep emotionality out of your legal threats to her, you want her to assess her choices calmly. Of course I don’t really know the situation but I hope these ideas help.


      • Thank you! They have. It has gotten worse. She is harassing me and threatening to kill me now. I have alerted authorities and they are taking care of it. I also have recorded and documented a phone conversation of all of that. Again, thank you.


    • I once had someone try to do that to me.. I am very fortunate in that my reputation is of absolutely zero concern to me… which has strangely caused me to have a good one, known for brutal honesty and suffering no fools. I think I developed this attitudea after 10 years of dealing with all of the psychopaths in the Army. I noticed that folks that were nice and accomidating got railroaded.. most of what they requested was denied.. accomplishing anything was very difficult.. I noticed that with raging hardasses who blew up at everything.. well.. people would get out of their way to avoid them.. accomplishing things were easier because people wanted the interaction over quickly.. Honestly, when I adapted that persona into my military persona (because putting on the uniform absolutely is putting on a persona), it made be sad.. very sad.. because it worked…. very well. I found myself being recommended for promotion and wards all of a sudden… but I digress.

      While drunk (because all the best stories start that way) I took a pic of myself i shouldn’t have and share it with someone. Well.. turns out this other that I had previously rejected (though in hindsight they may have been the same person) sends me the pic back a week or so later…. trying to demean me and put me down for sharing such a picture.. began to badger me ect.. threatened to show my family the pic.. (as though i care a drop about those bastards) I simply laughed, “Imagine… imagine trying to play off the modesty of someone who has none.. imagine trying to play off the reputation of someone who doesn’t give a fuck.. Watch this.” I then screen capped the convo with the pic.. censored the pic.. and posted it on my facebook wall tagging her and her family. Her initial reaction was, ‘OMG why did you do that! Do you know what you did?” I just laughed and laughed. That was the absolute last I ever heard of her..

      My best defense in dealing with psychos is simply not caring what people think about me.. I am still manipubal in other ways because of my intense desire to help people and that has brought me quite a bit of difficulty too but.. the one thing in general that i have found to destabalize a psychopath and make them make mistakes is to show them absolute contempt and laugh in their faces.. a very dangerous game but.. even those who aren’t so good at reading body language can see the flames this ignites behind their eyes.


  4. they are seeking safety and security, they exercise dominance, they gain protectors or even livelihoods (they may be able to live off the willing loans of girlfriends (which is a crime))

    How is this a crime? I tried to search for the details online but got nothing. Is it a crime to live off the willing loans of someone? What about living off the money freely given?

    I ask because my friend has a son with a sociopathic girlfriend who is doing what you would expect… They were living together in a house owned by his parents who live in another state. Then, due to her sociopathic behavior, he kicked her out and she obliged, as a stunt, and then systematically defamed my friend, by making false claims of abuse and abandonment little bits at a time for the next year, and conned his mom into believing her. At this point, she is totally against her son, my friend, and pushing to get him out of the house and move the sociopath in with their 5 year old boy, who has been used as a pawn, ruthlessly, from birth. My friend may end up in jail or at least lose all chances at custody for his son. His mother just revealed, to our complete shock, that she believes the sociopath and believes my friend has been lying.

    This has devastated my friend’s father, 2 brothers, a sister-in-law and myself, but no one can talk to my friend’s mother for some reason… she is willing to shut us all out if we even suggest she’s wrong. My friend is done. His goose is cooked, and he will never have a happy life now, because this sociopath had a baby and said it was his. She pegged his mom as a prime target for control and money and has gotten her claws in so deep that there is no hope. My friend is also realizing that his mother acting against him when she was all he had to help him rescue his son from her. His mom refuses to read the plethera of gathered proof that the girl is evil, and even went so far as to expose us to her for gathering incriminating information, which is basically throwing me to the wolves (cuz I’m an expendable friend).

    It’s all so sad. But the truth is that the sociopath has been the criminal in all of this and my friend has been framed. We even have saved text messages that say one thing to him, along with recorded voice mails she left with his parents that are time stamped and date stamped that completely contradict the situation at hand. I read most of your articles on sociopaths and agree fully with all you say. You nailed every single aspect that I was familiar with and taught me some new ones. I can say, without a doubt, that she has reported my friend with false allegations and set him up to be a bad person in order to get custody so that the mom will let her stay in the house and make my friend find a place to live… and he probably will be refused visitation. This will crush my friend who had been hopeful that she would learn to be better, and kept giving her chances, so he never recorded her rampages, but she set him up and recorded him while applying a totally different scenario to the video’s content.

    If she were to be charged with anything based on all she’s done, would his mother also be questioned and possibly charged with anything for supporting this sociopath? Could it be aiding and abetting?


    • What a terrible situation.

      I can’t find the exact name of the crime (of living off willing loans) right now either. I believe it’s some kind of fraud.

      For the scenario you are wondering about, I believe the sociopath would have to have committed a felony that your friend’s mother was an accessory to. I assume your friend has sought legal advice and considered filing complaints of fraudulent charges (his ex filed complaints, yes?). Good luck to him and you.


    • Not that I recommend this.. but sometimes the only way to take out a psycho is to use psycho techniques.. like hiding a kilo of pure cocain in her trunk and calling the cops..

      I know in that situation, because of my past experience with psychos, I take a scorched earth position towards them.. see.. 10 years in the Army in which most of the Officer Corps is inhabited by psychos, it tends to make one a bit squirly when it comes to authority (see Captain Sobol in Band of Brothers to know what i am talking about). So.. I have a deep DEEP nearly spiritual reaction when i realize someone is trying to control or manipulate me. If i found myself in a position where I had a psychopath with that kind of an anchor in my life.. I would not be able to stop myself from trying to thwart them in every way possible.. without any feel for mercy or even self-preservation. I would have burned the house down, turned myself in for Arson, and gone to prison Arson therfore also cutting off child support, saying “Whatcha gonna do now B***?” While I haven’t gone to prison or anything that serious.. I have caused damage to my life in spiteing people like this. The best part? I still feel no regret.

      It is like the current political situation we find ourselves in, with the psychos on the verge of perminate domination of mankind… I would rather burn down the entire west, resulting in our extinction, than give it all over to them. I would sooner see the world vanish under the oily black & orange clouds of nuclear detonations than see humanity plunged into the pending dark age.

      Sure, seems selfish right? I know that I can not exist in a totalitarian system.. it will literally ablate away my sanity like sandblasting rust off iron. Frankly, i think the only people who would chose life under the absolute dominion of psychopaths to death.. has to be a psychopath themselves.


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